December 15

The darkness of this day
juxtaposes all the good that comes in May.
It was a hug from a father
twelve years ago
that made impossibilities
clash with reality.
A feeling which would
pour from my eyeballs in the subsequent years.

The bus that morning was late.
The faces I saw were forlorn
they didn’t want to tell me.
The air tasted bad.
I stared at S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders”
I was told to read and wait.
they didn’t want to tell me.

Eventually my dad rushed in
like water breaking through a dam
and hugged me and wept
and I knew.
I felt his tweed coat
I felt his grip
and I knew.

My mom at the hospital was inconsolable.
She was so relieved to see me
to see the eleven year old me.
It had sunk in for her much quicker the tragedy that was.
That still is.
My brother was removed from this earth
at an age when life is just beginning.
He was developing into a man.

It still hurts as sharply when I imagine who he’d be today.
My stomach and heart still switch places.

But surrounded, perhaps not always physically,
by those who knew him
who loved him
helps make this day swallowable.

It’s with tears, as it was twelve years ago,
but it’s also with love
that we keep pushing forward. 


~ by Peyton Lea on December 16, 2011.

One Response to “December 15”

  1. Amazing poem, Peyton……you are a real talent with a true artistic sensitivity. A great tribute to your brother. That was certainly a day I will never forget, either.


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